It's 2013, new year, new house, our family is finally all under one roof. Our first Christmas together that isn't split into two households. We are learning to coexist as a family of 6 instead of two families of three. Our dream of 7 years has finally come true. Now comes a long period of house renovation to test our strength and devotion. I feel so complete, it's unbelievably lovely to all wake up in the morning, even though me and the little boys are early risers and Keith and the big boys are up at the crack of noon. There is a lot of work to do, boxes to unpack, rooms to paint, and the task of cramming two houses worth of clothes and dishes, toys and all the little wheels off things into one house. This spring we hope to gut the bathroom and re-side the house, maybe paint the bedrooms upstairs. Josh and I are excited about putting a fire pit down by the garden. I want it all done yesterday but I also want to take our time and make it beautiful. I want this to be our dream house.
2012 was hard, joyful and sad, a contrast as usual. Nate started college, Sammy learned to talk, a baby was lost and a family unites. I found out just how strong my man is and how much I can count on him. I found out how strong I am. In 2013 I hope to be more organized, make our house into a home and thrive. I hope to really appreciate the tiny facets of life that make it so, so sweet. I'd like to say that I will write more and post more pictures but life is a juggernaut, it doesn't always slow down for documentation. I'd like to post a family picture but my camera is lost in the leaning tower of boxes, so I leave this entry with a picture of two of my boys, Eli and Sammy, being sweet and silly as usual...see you around in 2013...sigh...can't find the disk, have to post a link to facebook...https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=545684578778670&set=t.100000875276196&type=3&theater
Friday, September 30, 2011
http://subfertilefrugalista.blogspot.com/2011/09/great-pinterest-challenge-link-up.html and invited everyone to join. Since I have already been re-making my son's jungle themed nursery into a big boy's room I decided to combine the two goals. This is what I came up. One of the problems we have is book storage, I want them to be accessible and I want the boys to see the faces of the books instead of the spines. I found this awesome tutorial:http://pennycarnival.typepad.com/penny_carnival/2009/02/tutorial-hanging-book-display.html The top picture is the tutorial sling and the pictures below it are my version. I decided to quilt them to give them more strength and appliqued the words explore, learn, read and grow. We are immensely happy with the result!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
As the end of the school year comes closer I am forced to recognize that my family will be going through a cataclysmic change, Josh will be graduating and going to college. Just typing that caused my eyes to burn with the threat of tears. I'm. not. ready. Joshua became the child of my heart when he was twelve, and in these last five and a half years I've raised him and watched him grow from being a lego-obsessed boy to a girl-obsessed pre adult(although still lego obsessed). It is hard to accept that he won't be swooping into the house with a million stories to tell me. Damn, there go the stupid tears again. I think the most obvious change will the absence of Bach from that gypsy viola of his. Nobody can do Bach on the viola like he can. His playing has the ability to break your heart and exalt you to the heavens at the same time. One of the things I love about Josh and our relationship is that he loves for his playing to be able to wring tears from soppy, sappy me. When he puts down the bow he glances over to me and if I'm wiping away tears and sniffling he knows he's nailed it. He is an immensely driven person and very disciplined. His Dad might disagree, but I see it. How hard he tries, how frustrated he gets, how jubilant when it flows. Next year seems like a desolate prospect without our Joshie. And he says" I know you'll cry and miss me but I'm ready to go" Oh, Josh, last night you said I make the best macaroni salad and my heart swelled with pride. There's no other compliment that means more. Damn tears.
Did you ever have a day that you wish you could erase? If only I could start the day over and be a better mother. So tonight I have a heavy heart and a big smashing load of guilt. Nothing to do but start over tomorrow and apologize for today.
Today at work my two bosses were so mean! First they trashed my desk and threw all my mail all over the floor. When I asked them to stop they threw their heads back and screamed while I cleaned it up. Then one of them came over to talk to me, he got too close and accidentally head butted me right in the nose! I really saw stars for a minute, but what could I do? I work for them! Then one of them poked me in the eye with a straw just to see what I would do. I really thought about quitting at that moment but I stuck it out. Then they took their mid day break, I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly cleaned my work area. But to my dismay they came back an hour early and swiftly destroyed every thing I had one. What could I do? I just gave up and sat back and watched them destroy the entire office. I'll just stay after hours to get everything done just in time for them to ruin it again tomorrow! Ah...just a typical day of working for two little boys!
Here I am again, alone in the moon.
Quiet...hush...silence...the moments slipping by without a word.
Darkness...velvet...the night-time welcoming me again.
This is me, here and now, feeling the wildness that motherhood cannot dim. Wishing for the winds to take me into that luminescent sky.
To shake off my corporeality, the slowness of flesh. Now, not earth mother, not the curve of limbs and lash of hair.
Not the golden goddess from my child's eye. Now, silver and quick, alone, and unfettered, shriven, free.
It is only me here.
In the space between the people,
there exists a sacred silence.
A memory of some violent change.
That formed a shape of intolerable beauty.
Just barely seen under the light.
But comes alive, alone at night...