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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

the most terrifying moment...

   Sammy, my crawling boy, is in love with playing on the floor.  this is so cool because i can sometimes get things done.  He is also in love with putting things in mouth.  I'm one of those helicopter parents in that i hover around him so i've been able to catch him before he can choke, I've stuck my finger brutally down his throat more than once to catch pieces of paper and such.  Today was no different, somehow no matter how well i've swept and vacuumed he finds something.  Probably left by Eli or the cat and  promptly begins gagging. I do my finger sweep and feel it all the way back, too far to reach and helplessly i feel it go into his throat and he chokes in earnest.  I will never forget the look on his face and his open mouth with no sound coming out. I will never forget that flash of absolute terror as i try to think of what to do.  I drove my finger down his throat and pushed it down. Maybe not the best option but any knowledge of the heimlich manuever fled and I acted on pure instinct. It worked, I could see it in the expression on his face, that was getting air. He was still silent, and I needed to hear that cry telling me he was okay. So I bit him. I'm laughing as I write this but it's not funny. What a mother will do for a child is insane.  He of course cried, and I cried, and am crying still. I can't seem to stop.

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